Said I'd be back
It’s about time for my driving lesson. Every Tuesday evening, I sail through South West London, bobble headed at the wheel like Noddy in Toytown, while in the bucketseat beside me, Iqbal grits his teeth and pumps the pedals like a lunatic. Iqbal is an observant Muslim, and anytime we’re caught in traffic, I try to tease out his views on some of the pressing issues of the day.
“What’s it going to be like, then?” I say.
“It will be terrible,” Iqbal says. “You’re talking about the end of the world again?”
“The Apocalypse, yeah. What’s it going to be like?”
“Oh, terrible, terrible. The best way to describe is this. You know that scene in Terminator? The one with the enormous battle? That’s what it will be like.”
“Oh yeah: the bit where she’s in the playground.”
“No playground; it’s a big battle. It’s like the end of the world.”
“Yeah, but she’s in the playground when she sees it. It’s like a vision. She sees the battle and the bomb go off. And everyone around her falls in the blast.”
“You’re talking about Terminator Two. You’re talking about Judgement Day. There’s no battle in that movie. There’s only that scene, but that’s not a battle. A battle is armies engaging in warfare, not just a bomb and then whoosh. I meant the battle in Terminator One.”
“Where is there a battle in Terminator One? It’s so long since I watched it.”
“At the start of Terminator One. You have to remember. It’s a very famous scene.”
“It’s ten years since I watched it. Is it the battle between the robots and the people?”
“That’s what I’m talking about. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. The battle between the robots and the people. You remember now? Well, that’s what the end of the world will be like. Only not with the robots. People fighting people. Or maybe the robots too, because who knows?”
“Iqbal,” I say. “What’s your take on Terminator Three?”
“My friend saw it and said it’s actually quite poor,” Iqbal says. “No so good as Terminator One and Terminator Two.”
“One and Two are in a different league,” I say.
“One and Two are classics of cinema,” Iqbal says.
“What’s it going to be like, then?” I say.
“It will be terrible,” Iqbal says. “You’re talking about the end of the world again?”
“The Apocalypse, yeah. What’s it going to be like?”
“Oh, terrible, terrible. The best way to describe is this. You know that scene in Terminator? The one with the enormous battle? That’s what it will be like.”
“Oh yeah: the bit where she’s in the playground.”
“No playground; it’s a big battle. It’s like the end of the world.”
“Yeah, but she’s in the playground when she sees it. It’s like a vision. She sees the battle and the bomb go off. And everyone around her falls in the blast.”
“You’re talking about Terminator Two. You’re talking about Judgement Day. There’s no battle in that movie. There’s only that scene, but that’s not a battle. A battle is armies engaging in warfare, not just a bomb and then whoosh. I meant the battle in Terminator One.”
“Where is there a battle in Terminator One? It’s so long since I watched it.”
“At the start of Terminator One. You have to remember. It’s a very famous scene.”
“It’s ten years since I watched it. Is it the battle between the robots and the people?”
“That’s what I’m talking about. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. The battle between the robots and the people. You remember now? Well, that’s what the end of the world will be like. Only not with the robots. People fighting people. Or maybe the robots too, because who knows?”
“Iqbal,” I say. “What’s your take on Terminator Three?”
“My friend saw it and said it’s actually quite poor,” Iqbal says. “No so good as Terminator One and Terminator Two.”
“One and Two are in a different league,” I say.
“One and Two are classics of cinema,” Iqbal says.
posted by Ben Good at 5:08 pm
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